Jealousy

I found out Sunday Night that my Grandmother Priscilla and her husband, Bill were coming yesterday. I only half beleaved my mom when she told me, but around 3:00 yesterday afternoon they showed up.
I should tell a little background info. on them. She is my dad's mother. My dad's father died when I was 12. They divorced when I was little and she married Bill. Growing up my dad was the oldest of five boys. Many times child abusers single out one kid to take all the abuse. In my dad's case, he was the chosen one. I don't know all the details, but I know enough. Oh, and also in this case, my grandmother was the one who did the abusing.
My grandmother has lived in Florida since I was a little kid. She has driven right past Murfreesboro on several occasions on the way up to Illinios to visit my dads brothers and not stopped to see us. For most of my life, I have not thought of myself as having another Grandmother. My Grandparents in Nashville have been all the grandparents I have needed (and more.) My little sister was the type of baby that would let anyone hold her. In one of my Grandma priscillas rare visits, my sister went right to her. Since then she sends my family gifts at Christmas and at our birthdays. It's really hard for me to allow her into my life. She is someone I saw maybe every 5 years growing up. I didn't let her hold me when I was a baby, and sometimes it's like I'm still paying for that.
Yesterday when she showed up (with less than 24 hours notice.) I had already made plans to do something that night. She wanted to take us all to eat. When I stated my plans, she said " I'm only going to be here one night, but go if you want to." Arggg! I hate being guilt tripped and manipulated. We ended up going to eat early and I still kept my plans. Well, today my sister came over and brought a card for my little sister. It was from my grandmother and had a 20 dollar bill in it. My older sister got $100.00 from her (mostly for my nephew.) Guess what I got? Nothing. I know it's wrong to be jealous, but I'm not just jealous, I'm hurt. I've always made an effort to be nice to her, even when I felt like the effort was one sided. I think I need to always remember what being left out feels like and make sure I never do it to anyone. Maybe five years from now, when I see her again, I will have forgotten being left out. (sorry, that was kinda mean.)

On a happier note, I went to Yoga/Pilates last night. It was fun. Not so much like exercise to me, more like stretching and balancing. Well, today my butt hurts and my back and my ab's. The instructer said I have strong ab's. I don't know how you get strong ab's when you don't excercise and you eat mostly junk. But I'm not going to argue with her. So I guess I have strong ab's. I liked it, so I think I'm going to go back next monday. I have a bit of pudge around my middle I would like to shrink.

The guy at church who won't talk to me that I mentioned in a previous post? Well, he went on the retreat this weekend. I made an effort to talk to him, mostly me saying hello and thank you and him making grunting noises at me, but it was a start. I saw him yesterday and he said "hi, sarah." Maybe things will get better between us. God put us in the same house over the weekend, in the same small group of people, for a reason.