It's snowing huge flakes outside. I love snow. Snow puts me in the kind of mood that sunshine puts others in. You'de think with arthritus I would hate snow, not so.
There is something I find so peaceful, pure, and romantic about snow. The way the flakes float slowly to the ground, and the way they get stuck all over you when you're walking. I also love being outside while it's snowing. For some reason, I don't get cold (I am hot natured after all) I just feel relaxed and at peace on the rare occasion I get to walk outside when it's snowing. I live in the total wrong state for snow. I do not enjoy driving in snow. A downside to middle Tennessee getting snow is that lots of times we get ice also. There is nothing worse than walking in snow that looks innocent, only to discover a layer of ice under it. I also dislike driving in the icy on the bottom type of snow.
The first Sunday I went to Stones River Church it was snowing when we got out of worship. I had had a great time worshipping God and then walked out to snow. I'm sure I read to much into it, but I really took it to be a sign that I was in the right place.
Well, I'm off to watch it snow. (because I don't have anything else to do, so I can).
Sarah
Monday, February 28, 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Sunday
It is not often that a sermon holds my attention. I don't have ADHD, I just tend to daydream a lot. Todays sermon hit home with me. It was about Forgiveness. I hold on to so many things from the past. Even as far back as early elementary school and especially high school. It's so hard for me to forgive and forget. I remember every hurt, every unkind word, even when people probably never realized they had hurt my feelings. I am very sensitive, in case you haven't figured that out yet. I am so sensitive that I know when someone has hurt someone elses feelings if I am around. I don't know if it's facial expression or posture or maybe a combination of noverbal things that make me notice this. I guess I'm very in tune with other people's feelings. If I'm around someone who is depressed, I get depressed, grumpy, I get grumpy, etc...I wonder if thats normal?
Anyway, I got off subject, back to the sermon. In junior high and high school I went to a local private school. I had a horrible, horrible, six years there. The problem was, being in a small school, I was with the same people all day long. You see, I was an anxious kid. I still am. I had pretty bad anxiety growing up. It peaked at it's worst in high school. I missed a lot of school. I got teased and made fun of for this. I didn't want to go to school cause I would get teased, but if I didn't go, I would get teased when I went back. It was a neverending thing. I almost dropped out of school several times. I'm not a quitter, so I pushed myself and graduated.
Anyway, I graduated from high school ten years ago this May. I still have no desire to see most of the people I went to school with, and I still am not sure if I have totally forgiven them. Then there was the time in 6'th grade when this girl in my class had all the girls over but me. That one hurt.
So, why can't I just put all this crap behind me and move on? What good does it do me to think back to those times? I am a total different person than I was then, but I still hold on to so much pain and hurt.
This is something I need to work on. I need to forgive all those people and realize that yes, they hurt me, but I'm here today and I'm fine and all that is over.
I really needed to hear the sermon today. I woke up hurting a little (colitus, fun...fun...) and was debating staying home. I made myself shower and eat, took my med's and went to Church. I didn't feel wonderful, but I made it through. I went out to eat with some MTSU/Christian Center almuni from church. Had some good conversation, I hadn't seen one of them in a while. I didn't eat much. (I'm sure people think I don't ever eat.) I do eat, I just know better than to push it when my colon is acting up. I would rather eat at home where I have the privacy of my own potty. I don't go out to eat much because of this. The worst is when a date wants to take me to eat. Nerves and colons don't go well together. I'm always nervous on a date, add eating out and my colon to the picture and you get me not eating much. I also can't eat some things (salad, corn, most spicy foods, oranges...) Salads come with a lot of meals. It's hards to explain to someone why you can't eat the salad. No one wants to discuss that kind of thing while they are eating. It doesn't bother me to talk about it, but I have to remind myself that it bothers others.
I've been feeling a little lonely lately. I enjoy being single, but sometimes I miss the good stuff about dating. The closeness, cuddling, etc...Right now I'de give anything to have someone rub my back.
well, this has been a really long and rambling post. I'm going to take my Sunday afternoon nap.
Anyway, I got off subject, back to the sermon. In junior high and high school I went to a local private school. I had a horrible, horrible, six years there. The problem was, being in a small school, I was with the same people all day long. You see, I was an anxious kid. I still am. I had pretty bad anxiety growing up. It peaked at it's worst in high school. I missed a lot of school. I got teased and made fun of for this. I didn't want to go to school cause I would get teased, but if I didn't go, I would get teased when I went back. It was a neverending thing. I almost dropped out of school several times. I'm not a quitter, so I pushed myself and graduated.
Anyway, I graduated from high school ten years ago this May. I still have no desire to see most of the people I went to school with, and I still am not sure if I have totally forgiven them. Then there was the time in 6'th grade when this girl in my class had all the girls over but me. That one hurt.
So, why can't I just put all this crap behind me and move on? What good does it do me to think back to those times? I am a total different person than I was then, but I still hold on to so much pain and hurt.
This is something I need to work on. I need to forgive all those people and realize that yes, they hurt me, but I'm here today and I'm fine and all that is over.
I really needed to hear the sermon today. I woke up hurting a little (colitus, fun...fun...) and was debating staying home. I made myself shower and eat, took my med's and went to Church. I didn't feel wonderful, but I made it through. I went out to eat with some MTSU/Christian Center almuni from church. Had some good conversation, I hadn't seen one of them in a while. I didn't eat much. (I'm sure people think I don't ever eat.) I do eat, I just know better than to push it when my colon is acting up. I would rather eat at home where I have the privacy of my own potty. I don't go out to eat much because of this. The worst is when a date wants to take me to eat. Nerves and colons don't go well together. I'm always nervous on a date, add eating out and my colon to the picture and you get me not eating much. I also can't eat some things (salad, corn, most spicy foods, oranges...) Salads come with a lot of meals. It's hards to explain to someone why you can't eat the salad. No one wants to discuss that kind of thing while they are eating. It doesn't bother me to talk about it, but I have to remind myself that it bothers others.
I've been feeling a little lonely lately. I enjoy being single, but sometimes I miss the good stuff about dating. The closeness, cuddling, etc...Right now I'de give anything to have someone rub my back.
well, this has been a really long and rambling post. I'm going to take my Sunday afternoon nap.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Tired
I'm tired tonight so this is going to be short.
I babysat today. The little girl (2 year old) was asleep the whole time, so I didn't have to do anything. The little bit of money I got was much needed though.
The little girl's mom is 7 months pregnant. In her first pregnancy she had early labor and had to be hospitalized to stop it, it was barely caught in time. This time, she has caught it early. She felt some "tightening" yesterday morning. Not really contractions, but not what you want to have this early on either. They put her on medicine and the doctor told her today to go on bedrest. Bedrest is next to impossible with a two year old. Luckily her mom is probably going to come down to help out. Please keep Mrs. Welling and her unborn baby in your prayers. It needs to stay put for a few more weeks. Also, pray for the two year old. It must be so hard at that age to try and understand why mommy has to lay down and why mommy can't pick you up etc...
It's cold outside. It was fairly warm yesterday and it's gonna be in the 50's again this weekend and then get cold again. (55 or so is fairly warm to me, I'm hot natured). I love cold weather, but my body won't let me enjoy it. On the other hand my body doesn't like really hot weather either. If it's over 85 or 90, I'm misserable. You see in the winter I have arthritus and in the summer I don't just perspire, I Sweat! I tend to stay inside as much as possible in the summer time. Also, medicine I occassionally take for my colitus makes it hard for me to cool down when I get hot (but I still sweat) . My favorite time of year is fall and spring. I have to deal with allergies during those seasons, but I can tolerate that.
Well, I'm rambling because I'm tired. Off to bed I go...
p.s. Is that how you spell sweat? Doesn't look right for some reason.
I babysat today. The little girl (2 year old) was asleep the whole time, so I didn't have to do anything. The little bit of money I got was much needed though.
The little girl's mom is 7 months pregnant. In her first pregnancy she had early labor and had to be hospitalized to stop it, it was barely caught in time. This time, she has caught it early. She felt some "tightening" yesterday morning. Not really contractions, but not what you want to have this early on either. They put her on medicine and the doctor told her today to go on bedrest. Bedrest is next to impossible with a two year old. Luckily her mom is probably going to come down to help out. Please keep Mrs. Welling and her unborn baby in your prayers. It needs to stay put for a few more weeks. Also, pray for the two year old. It must be so hard at that age to try and understand why mommy has to lay down and why mommy can't pick you up etc...
It's cold outside. It was fairly warm yesterday and it's gonna be in the 50's again this weekend and then get cold again. (55 or so is fairly warm to me, I'm hot natured). I love cold weather, but my body won't let me enjoy it. On the other hand my body doesn't like really hot weather either. If it's over 85 or 90, I'm misserable. You see in the winter I have arthritus and in the summer I don't just perspire, I Sweat! I tend to stay inside as much as possible in the summer time. Also, medicine I occassionally take for my colitus makes it hard for me to cool down when I get hot (but I still sweat) . My favorite time of year is fall and spring. I have to deal with allergies during those seasons, but I can tolerate that.
Well, I'm rambling because I'm tired. Off to bed I go...
p.s. Is that how you spell sweat? Doesn't look right for some reason.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
My God is Awesome
I took my nephew to church with me tonight. He behaved perfectly. I went to the college class (it worked out real well cause they meet in the nursery).
When I was sitting there with people in the late teens/early twenties, I started thinking how I would give anything to be that age again and to be able to do so many things over again. I would do them much differently than I did. On the way home it hit me that I can't go back and change things I did, but through God's gift to me as a Christian, God has whiped my slate clean and he's forgiven me and it's as if those things never happened. I've asked him for forgiveness so many times. A few times it was for making the same wrong choice over and over again. For a long time I didn't feel worthy of his forgiveness. I felt like I didn't deserve it. The awesome thing is that I don't have to deserve it, God knows what is in my heart and as his child when my heart breaks because I messed up, Gods heart breaks too. He knows when I am truly sorry and when I ask him for forgiveness he grants it.
So, my point is, I can keep living my life thinking about and regretting all the wrong choices I made, or I can move on, just like God has. I need to let go of some of the guilt I feel and some of the unworthiness I feel. I am worthy! Jesus died to make me worthy. Because of that, I feel truly humbled and blessed.
When I was sitting there with people in the late teens/early twenties, I started thinking how I would give anything to be that age again and to be able to do so many things over again. I would do them much differently than I did. On the way home it hit me that I can't go back and change things I did, but through God's gift to me as a Christian, God has whiped my slate clean and he's forgiven me and it's as if those things never happened. I've asked him for forgiveness so many times. A few times it was for making the same wrong choice over and over again. For a long time I didn't feel worthy of his forgiveness. I felt like I didn't deserve it. The awesome thing is that I don't have to deserve it, God knows what is in my heart and as his child when my heart breaks because I messed up, Gods heart breaks too. He knows when I am truly sorry and when I ask him for forgiveness he grants it.
So, my point is, I can keep living my life thinking about and regretting all the wrong choices I made, or I can move on, just like God has. I need to let go of some of the guilt I feel and some of the unworthiness I feel. I am worthy! Jesus died to make me worthy. Because of that, I feel truly humbled and blessed.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Taxes
I got my self employment tax down from $600.00 to $279. This is thanks to a nifty little thing called the earned income credit. Also, the free version of Turbo Tax helped me out quite a bit. It pays to figure your taxes electronically instead of by hand. Hopefully, this is the end of my tax stress this year. Well, it will be after I come up with $279.00.
I got my hair cut today. Added some layers and cut it a little shorter. Nothing major. There is a couple at church that has looked familiar to me since I started going to Stones River. I couldn't figure out why. It finally clicked today when I got my haircut. Brent works there and his wife Elizabeth does hair. In fact, Brent gave me one of my best hairwashings ever a year or so ago. It wasn't the actual washing, it was the scalp massage after. My scalp had never been so happy and relaxed :)
I owe God a huge thanks for providing me with help for my taxes. There is absolutly no way I could have paid 600 dollars. 279 is a lot, but it's much more reasonable! I've always believed that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Maybe he works the same for taxes too?
Sarah
I got my hair cut today. Added some layers and cut it a little shorter. Nothing major. There is a couple at church that has looked familiar to me since I started going to Stones River. I couldn't figure out why. It finally clicked today when I got my haircut. Brent works there and his wife Elizabeth does hair. In fact, Brent gave me one of my best hairwashings ever a year or so ago. It wasn't the actual washing, it was the scalp massage after. My scalp had never been so happy and relaxed :)
I owe God a huge thanks for providing me with help for my taxes. There is absolutly no way I could have paid 600 dollars. 279 is a lot, but it's much more reasonable! I've always believed that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Maybe he works the same for taxes too?
Sarah
Saturday, February 19, 2005
Can't Sleep
It's 12:15 in the morning. I can't sleep, so I thought I'de write a bit.
I was watching the Osbourne's on MTV. That show always makes me glad for what I have and who I am.
My nephew was over today. He was a little fussy. He kept wanting more bottle. I'de say he's going through a growth spurt, but at three months I guess your always having a growth spurt.
Today was a little better than yesterday. I found out I can hopefully deduct some things from keeping Austin. Right now, because I kept him in my home, I owe $600.00 in Self Employment Tax. It's because they pay me and nothing goes to Social Security and FICA. I thought I was going to not have to pay anything this year until I found out about the stupid self employment thing. I made so little that when I figured out my income tax the standard deduction for being single and the itemized deduction canceled out my income so I would not even have to actually file if it weren't for the $600.00 in the blank down towards the bottom of my tax form. I figured it up 5 times in the hope that I had missed something. However, today I found out I should be able to deduct everything I bought fo him (stroller to have at my house, snacks, some toys etc...) so hopefully that will bring it down some. I don't have $600.00. I'm pretty sure the IRS doesn't care that I don't have the money.
Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep. I may just lay there, but at least I'll be resting.
Sarah
I was watching the Osbourne's on MTV. That show always makes me glad for what I have and who I am.
My nephew was over today. He was a little fussy. He kept wanting more bottle. I'de say he's going through a growth spurt, but at three months I guess your always having a growth spurt.
Today was a little better than yesterday. I found out I can hopefully deduct some things from keeping Austin. Right now, because I kept him in my home, I owe $600.00 in Self Employment Tax. It's because they pay me and nothing goes to Social Security and FICA. I thought I was going to not have to pay anything this year until I found out about the stupid self employment thing. I made so little that when I figured out my income tax the standard deduction for being single and the itemized deduction canceled out my income so I would not even have to actually file if it weren't for the $600.00 in the blank down towards the bottom of my tax form. I figured it up 5 times in the hope that I had missed something. However, today I found out I should be able to deduct everything I bought fo him (stroller to have at my house, snacks, some toys etc...) so hopefully that will bring it down some. I don't have $600.00. I'm pretty sure the IRS doesn't care that I don't have the money.
Well, I'm going to try to get some sleep. I may just lay there, but at least I'll be resting.
Sarah
Thursday, February 17, 2005
No Title
Today was one of those days.
I had a great time with Quincy (my nephew) last night. He was up at 1:30 a.m., 5:30 a.m., and for good at 7:30. I feel the closest to him during those night feedings. He will look my sister (his mom) in the eyes, his dad and me. That makes me feel good. We've bonded enough that he will look at me with a look of recognition.
After Quincy left I had planned on going back to bed. I started looking at Tax stuff and ended up working on it all day. Let's just say I was in a most unhappy mood when I finished. I would explain, but it's not something I should blog about. I now know how to do my own taxes though.
I wonder if there is a nice quiet country somewhere, with great weather and no taxes?
I have some good friends who have a cabin out in the middle of nowhere. There is no running water (it uses a rainwater system) and no sewer. The area is too rocky for a septic tank so it has this toilet that I had never heard of before in it. You put this paper liner in it, go, stand up, push a button and the paper and whatever falls down a big hole. At the bottom of the hole is a fire that incinerates it. There is a sticker on the toilet that says "caution, always stand up before flushing." I guess in case the fire should happen to flair up and burn your rear. I will admit that before I would use it I had to make the owner promise it would not burn me.
The cabin has a wood stove for heat and a microwave. It also has a sleeping loft, another room for sleeping and then a big room that I believe he is working on. It does have electricity and a telephone.
I have been promised the use of this cabin whenever I get the urge to get away. I am one of those people who has to take some time every so often and clear my head. Especially when I have things on my mind. I feel the closest to God when I am alone with him, somewhere where there is no distractions.
I think it is getting to be about time to take them up on their cabin offer.
I'm glad I started blogging. Even though no one reads it. I sleep a lot better when I blog right before bed. I didn't the other night and it took me the longest time to go to sleep. Speaking of sleep, I am off to get some.
I had a great time with Quincy (my nephew) last night. He was up at 1:30 a.m., 5:30 a.m., and for good at 7:30. I feel the closest to him during those night feedings. He will look my sister (his mom) in the eyes, his dad and me. That makes me feel good. We've bonded enough that he will look at me with a look of recognition.
After Quincy left I had planned on going back to bed. I started looking at Tax stuff and ended up working on it all day. Let's just say I was in a most unhappy mood when I finished. I would explain, but it's not something I should blog about. I now know how to do my own taxes though.
I wonder if there is a nice quiet country somewhere, with great weather and no taxes?
I have some good friends who have a cabin out in the middle of nowhere. There is no running water (it uses a rainwater system) and no sewer. The area is too rocky for a septic tank so it has this toilet that I had never heard of before in it. You put this paper liner in it, go, stand up, push a button and the paper and whatever falls down a big hole. At the bottom of the hole is a fire that incinerates it. There is a sticker on the toilet that says "caution, always stand up before flushing." I guess in case the fire should happen to flair up and burn your rear. I will admit that before I would use it I had to make the owner promise it would not burn me.
The cabin has a wood stove for heat and a microwave. It also has a sleeping loft, another room for sleeping and then a big room that I believe he is working on. It does have electricity and a telephone.
I have been promised the use of this cabin whenever I get the urge to get away. I am one of those people who has to take some time every so often and clear my head. Especially when I have things on my mind. I feel the closest to God when I am alone with him, somewhere where there is no distractions.
I think it is getting to be about time to take them up on their cabin offer.
I'm glad I started blogging. Even though no one reads it. I sleep a lot better when I blog right before bed. I didn't the other night and it took me the longest time to go to sleep. Speaking of sleep, I am off to get some.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Aunt Sarah
I went and kept my Nephew today for my sister to go run some errands. Then I brought him to my house since my sis had to go to work. Since my brother-in-law is not feeling well and my sister has some stuff to do in the morning, Quincy is spending the night. I gave him a bath, bottle and rocked him. I love holding a sleeping baby. Their faces look so content and angelic. I just layed my little munchkin down in the crib. Hopefully this will be one of his good nights and he will sleep til 2 or 3 in the morning, take a bottle and go back to sleep.
Watching Quincy tonight it hit me how truly in love with him I am. He is so perfect. He is a huge blessing. My family really needed him.
5 1/2 years ago my sister's other baby was still born. We knew from early on that he was sick and wouldn't live outside the womb. I'll never forget holding him that August morning minutes after he had been born. He died during the delivery, it was too much for him. They named him Christian Burton. He was so beautiful. His funeral was the next week. I still go out to his grave every so often. I know it's silly, but I talk to him when I'm there. I told him he was going to have a baby brother (well, half brother. My sister divorced and remarried.) I told him how the new baby would never replace him. Quincy hasn't replaced him. He's just made things a little more bearable.
A few days after Quincy was born I was holding him and he was asleep. I looked down at him and for just an instant it was as if I was holding Christian again. I wept. I cried because I was so grateful for Quincy. I cried because I never got to do the things with Christian I had with Quincy (feed him, bathe him etc...). That day was a day of healing for me. A lot of hurt and anger I had been carrying with me since my nephew died was washed out of me by those tears.
I still miss Christian and wonder what he would look like now. I know that he is with God. He's not sick anymore and he's a perfect baby now.
Watching Quincy tonight it hit me how truly in love with him I am. He is so perfect. He is a huge blessing. My family really needed him.
5 1/2 years ago my sister's other baby was still born. We knew from early on that he was sick and wouldn't live outside the womb. I'll never forget holding him that August morning minutes after he had been born. He died during the delivery, it was too much for him. They named him Christian Burton. He was so beautiful. His funeral was the next week. I still go out to his grave every so often. I know it's silly, but I talk to him when I'm there. I told him he was going to have a baby brother (well, half brother. My sister divorced and remarried.) I told him how the new baby would never replace him. Quincy hasn't replaced him. He's just made things a little more bearable.
A few days after Quincy was born I was holding him and he was asleep. I looked down at him and for just an instant it was as if I was holding Christian again. I wept. I cried because I was so grateful for Quincy. I cried because I never got to do the things with Christian I had with Quincy (feed him, bathe him etc...). That day was a day of healing for me. A lot of hurt and anger I had been carrying with me since my nephew died was washed out of me by those tears.
I still miss Christian and wonder what he would look like now. I know that he is with God. He's not sick anymore and he's a perfect baby now.
Father,
I thank you so much for bringing Quincy into my family. He has allowed myself, and I'm sure others to heal a little from loosing Christian. I know that Christian is with you and he must be a proud big brother.
God, I want to ask that you be with me as my life is taking a turn towards something I never expected. You know the obsticals I have to get past to make it work. I know if it's really your will, everything will work out.
Amen
I thank you so much for bringing Quincy into my family. He has allowed myself, and I'm sure others to heal a little from loosing Christian. I know that Christian is with you and he must be a proud big brother.
God, I want to ask that you be with me as my life is taking a turn towards something I never expected. You know the obsticals I have to get past to make it work. I know if it's really your will, everything will work out.
Amen
Monday, February 14, 2005
Monday
I just caught the tail end of a story on the news. It was talking about Children in my county and the number who have tried drugs and alcohol by the age of 10.
10?!
I realize I am abnormal, but at 10 I didn't even know drugs existed. The abnormal part is that I am 28 and have never drank alcohol either (not counting cough syrup). I have always thought that beer smelled horrible and I am such a picky eater I have just never even been tempted to try. Also, with my health stuff and taking several medications, alcohol probably wouldn't be a good idea.
I'll admit that I do not need my inhibitions lowered. I shudder to think what I would do and with whom if I were drunk.
On a different subject, my intestines hate me. I am so very careful about not eating anything that will mess up my colon (If colon talk bothers you, leave now). I am kind to my digestive system. For some reason it just decides to turn on me. This time it thought "we'll give her 4 straight days of uninterupted nausea for no apparent reason." It does this to me every so often. I have had enough morning sickness to have had about 10 kids. It's also been crampy. Not bad enough to leave me doubled over like it does at times, just enough to be uncomfortable. I had a bunch of errands to run this morning and I had to do them feeling queezy and crampy. I also had to visit the bathroom once or twice during my errands. I'm feeling better tonight, but haven't eaten much today. No point if it's going to go through me anyway.
I will at times talk about my Ulcerative Colitus and Irritable Bowel. Poop does not bother me. I am open about it. I wish I could put a link to a definition of Colitus, but I don't know how.
Happy Valentines Day! The extent of mine was a box of candy from my dad. Russel Stovers Caramels, my favorite! I got my nephew two valentine balloons (yes I know you don't give balloons to baby's, but he is not old enough to try to eat it) He looked at them and creased his brows as if pondering what these shiny floaty things were. It entertained him for about 20 minutes. A great improvement over his usual 30 second attention span. He has discovered his hands. He has found that they can go in his mouth and that they taste pretty good.
I am off to bed,
Sarah
10?!
I realize I am abnormal, but at 10 I didn't even know drugs existed. The abnormal part is that I am 28 and have never drank alcohol either (not counting cough syrup). I have always thought that beer smelled horrible and I am such a picky eater I have just never even been tempted to try. Also, with my health stuff and taking several medications, alcohol probably wouldn't be a good idea.
I'll admit that I do not need my inhibitions lowered. I shudder to think what I would do and with whom if I were drunk.
On a different subject, my intestines hate me. I am so very careful about not eating anything that will mess up my colon (If colon talk bothers you, leave now). I am kind to my digestive system. For some reason it just decides to turn on me. This time it thought "we'll give her 4 straight days of uninterupted nausea for no apparent reason." It does this to me every so often. I have had enough morning sickness to have had about 10 kids. It's also been crampy. Not bad enough to leave me doubled over like it does at times, just enough to be uncomfortable. I had a bunch of errands to run this morning and I had to do them feeling queezy and crampy. I also had to visit the bathroom once or twice during my errands. I'm feeling better tonight, but haven't eaten much today. No point if it's going to go through me anyway.
I will at times talk about my Ulcerative Colitus and Irritable Bowel. Poop does not bother me. I am open about it. I wish I could put a link to a definition of Colitus, but I don't know how.
Happy Valentines Day! The extent of mine was a box of candy from my dad. Russel Stovers Caramels, my favorite! I got my nephew two valentine balloons (yes I know you don't give balloons to baby's, but he is not old enough to try to eat it) He looked at them and creased his brows as if pondering what these shiny floaty things were. It entertained him for about 20 minutes. A great improvement over his usual 30 second attention span. He has discovered his hands. He has found that they can go in his mouth and that they taste pretty good.
I am off to bed,
Sarah
Sunday, February 13, 2005
Stuff
I woke up this morning feeling like I had aged 50 years over night. My back hurt, my knees hurt, basically all of my joints. I couldn't figure out why my arthritus had kicked in so bad until I looked outside. It's rainy and cool. I ended up going back to bed and missing church. I'm moving around a little better now. It's going up and down stairs that seem to give me the most trouble lately.
I have learned how to keep going and ignore pain when I have to. Whether it's my Ulcerative colitus or Arthritus. Usually I can hide it and you can't even tell I'm hurting. I have got to teach my body that Church is a "have to" and push myself to be there. On the weekends it is just so much easier to not want to deal with stuff and go back to bed. Even though I take prescription medicine for Arthritus (not what they recalled) it seems to be worse lately. I guess I need to tell my doctor. There really isn't anything they can do about it though, it's just one of those things.
My nephew came over this afternoon for a little bit. He can always put a smile on my face no matter what.
Well, I'm going to read the Sunday paper and find something to eat.
Sarah
I have learned how to keep going and ignore pain when I have to. Whether it's my Ulcerative colitus or Arthritus. Usually I can hide it and you can't even tell I'm hurting. I have got to teach my body that Church is a "have to" and push myself to be there. On the weekends it is just so much easier to not want to deal with stuff and go back to bed. Even though I take prescription medicine for Arthritus (not what they recalled) it seems to be worse lately. I guess I need to tell my doctor. There really isn't anything they can do about it though, it's just one of those things.
My nephew came over this afternoon for a little bit. He can always put a smile on my face no matter what.
Well, I'm going to read the Sunday paper and find something to eat.
Sarah
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Boring Weekend
I kept my nephew last night. He's starting to look more like a baby than a newborn. He needed a bath and so did I, so we took one together. He is so funny in the tub. I support his head with my hand and his little rear floats up to the top of the water and he kicks his legs. He's like a little fish. He grins and coo's and we hurry before he decides to pee pee in the water or worse, poop. A baby with no diaper on is dangerous.
I went to the grocery store this afternoon (just another part of my exciting life - note the sarcasm)
I thought that 4:00 on a Saturday afternoon would be a good time to go to Kroger. HAHA! Everyone on my side of Murfreesboro seemed to have the same idea. The lady in front of me in line looked like she was buying a months worth of groceries. Keep in mind that I am single. A full cart of groceries looks like a month's worth to me. In reality it's probably a week's worth.
It so nice out today, sunny and I think around 60. No jacket for me!
I wish I had something more exciting to post about, no actually I guess I don't. I kind of like my life the way it is, Boring and no drama.
I went to the grocery store this afternoon (just another part of my exciting life - note the sarcasm)
I thought that 4:00 on a Saturday afternoon would be a good time to go to Kroger. HAHA! Everyone on my side of Murfreesboro seemed to have the same idea. The lady in front of me in line looked like she was buying a months worth of groceries. Keep in mind that I am single. A full cart of groceries looks like a month's worth to me. In reality it's probably a week's worth.
It so nice out today, sunny and I think around 60. No jacket for me!
I wish I had something more exciting to post about, no actually I guess I don't. I kind of like my life the way it is, Boring and no drama.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
pray for
Once last thing. A very close friend of mine's husband, Gary, is having back surgery in the morning. Take a moment and pray for him.
unemployed
Well, today was Austin's last day. I didn't cry like I thought I would. Everything I did with him today I kept thinking "this is the last time I'll change his diaper, fix him lunch, put him in the car seat, hold him in my lap etc..." What a long day this was.
So now I'm unemployed. I've got to find a job SOON! Bills don't pay themselves.
Found out my baby sister will be going to a new school next year. It kinda stinks cause she'll be in her last year of Elementary school. They are taking a school across town that has poor test scores and converting it into preschool and high achievers for grades 3 - 6 (why is my 6 smaller than the 3 and raised up higher? Or is the 3 lower? Maybe it won't post that way.) My sister is in Merit, which is the gifted program for our local city schools. One good thing about this move is that it should alleviate behavioral problems that you normally have in a classroom. If your there and you misbehave they can ship you back to regular school. I hope this will make her have a really great 6'th grade year. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. Seems like only yesterday we were at the beach for the first time, watching her tentively touch the sand, not sure what to think.
Again, I can't seem to get spell check to work on here.
So now I'm unemployed. I've got to find a job SOON! Bills don't pay themselves.
Found out my baby sister will be going to a new school next year. It kinda stinks cause she'll be in her last year of Elementary school. They are taking a school across town that has poor test scores and converting it into preschool and high achievers for grades 3 - 6 (why is my 6 smaller than the 3 and raised up higher? Or is the 3 lower? Maybe it won't post that way.) My sister is in Merit, which is the gifted program for our local city schools. One good thing about this move is that it should alleviate behavioral problems that you normally have in a classroom. If your there and you misbehave they can ship you back to regular school. I hope this will make her have a really great 6'th grade year. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. Seems like only yesterday we were at the beach for the first time, watching her tentively touch the sand, not sure what to think.
Again, I can't seem to get spell check to work on here.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
One Step Ahead
I've been trying to figure out how I would be able to not babysit Austin anymore. I've gotten so close to him and I love him so much. I couldn't figure out how to tell his parents that after keeping him for a year, it was time for me to move on.
After a long time of praying for God to show me what he wants me to do with my life, I think I finally have an answer. I know one thing very obvious, it is time for me to stop keeping Austin.
Last week I was angry at his parents. I decided ok, this is it, they need to find another babysitter. I felt like the situation that had made me angry was God making it easier for me to tell them. Well, I didn't have to. Austin's dad called me today and said he needed to come over and talk. I tried to imagine what he wanted to talk about. I had thought of every possibility except what it actually was. It seems that they had out Austin on a waiting list for a daycare center close to their house over a year ago. Well, out of the blue, the center called last night and said they had a spot open up for him. He starts next week.
While I will miss him, Austin needs to be with other kids. He is a redheaded, 16 month old wild child. He can be the sweetest baby I have ever known and other times it's like he's already in the terrible two's. I never thought what they say about redheads and their tempers was true until I started keeping Austin. I can vouch for the fact that in his case, it's true.
I have been his babysitter since he was 3 months old. He sat up alone for the first time at my house, took some of his first steps at my house and I have watched his vocabulary go from just a few words to well over 60 words. He is one smart little boy.
So now I know it's official, it's time for me to move on to a new job. It's wierd how God makes everything work out. As I mentioned yesterday, I think I know what God has planned for me career wise. Two weeks ago it just suddenly came to me and made total sense. I'm not ready to Blog about it though. I know that whatever my future holds I want to serve God. I want to help people.
Sarah
P.S. why can't I spell check?
After a long time of praying for God to show me what he wants me to do with my life, I think I finally have an answer. I know one thing very obvious, it is time for me to stop keeping Austin.
Last week I was angry at his parents. I decided ok, this is it, they need to find another babysitter. I felt like the situation that had made me angry was God making it easier for me to tell them. Well, I didn't have to. Austin's dad called me today and said he needed to come over and talk. I tried to imagine what he wanted to talk about. I had thought of every possibility except what it actually was. It seems that they had out Austin on a waiting list for a daycare center close to their house over a year ago. Well, out of the blue, the center called last night and said they had a spot open up for him. He starts next week.
While I will miss him, Austin needs to be with other kids. He is a redheaded, 16 month old wild child. He can be the sweetest baby I have ever known and other times it's like he's already in the terrible two's. I never thought what they say about redheads and their tempers was true until I started keeping Austin. I can vouch for the fact that in his case, it's true.
I have been his babysitter since he was 3 months old. He sat up alone for the first time at my house, took some of his first steps at my house and I have watched his vocabulary go from just a few words to well over 60 words. He is one smart little boy.
So now I know it's official, it's time for me to move on to a new job. It's wierd how God makes everything work out. As I mentioned yesterday, I think I know what God has planned for me career wise. Two weeks ago it just suddenly came to me and made total sense. I'm not ready to Blog about it though. I know that whatever my future holds I want to serve God. I want to help people.
Sarah
P.S. why can't I spell check?
Yuck
I re-read last nights post. Sorry, it's awfully(I don't even know a word to describe it) I guess sappy. Also, I can't seem to get spell check to work for me. I click on the little ABC button at the top of my draft and nothing happens. So, if I have a bunch of mistakes, oops.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Babies
I kept my nephew tonight. He's two and a half months and he is precious. He has big dimples when he smiles and a head full of dark hair. If I ever figure out how to post pictures on here, I'll post one of him.
For as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to do when I grew up was be a wife and a mother. Life doesn't always pan out the way you thought it would when you were a kid. I have no potential future husband in my life. I'm not even sure that marriage is for me. The last two years I have embraced being single and totally focusing on other things. The hardest thing for me is motherhood. I have this very strong need to be a mother. Maybe it's my biological clock, I don't know. I have this huge amount of love that I feel for children I don't even have. If that makes sense. When I was 22 or 23 I found out that due to some health problems I had and continue to have, I might never be able to have children. This was a huge, huge blow to me. When I was 7 years old I used to change my cousins diapers and feed him his bottles. I've been hooked ever since.
Since I started keeping the 16 month old that I currently babysit three days a week, I have realized something. I can love a child that isn't mine just as strongly as I could love my own. I hope to one day have the opportunity to adopt. That's the subject of many prayers for me. To be a Mother one day, maybe even to a special needs child.
When I first started keeping Austin it was supposed to be for three or four months. It has been a year now. I know it's time to move on so to speak. I need to earn more money and I'm really feeling pushed to do something else. I think I know what the something else is, but I'm not ready to share it just yet. Anyway, as I mentioned in my last post, I am not a fan of change.
I'm going to have a very hard time letting go of Austin when that time comes. I need prayers for that.
For as long as I can remember all I ever wanted to do when I grew up was be a wife and a mother. Life doesn't always pan out the way you thought it would when you were a kid. I have no potential future husband in my life. I'm not even sure that marriage is for me. The last two years I have embraced being single and totally focusing on other things. The hardest thing for me is motherhood. I have this very strong need to be a mother. Maybe it's my biological clock, I don't know. I have this huge amount of love that I feel for children I don't even have. If that makes sense. When I was 22 or 23 I found out that due to some health problems I had and continue to have, I might never be able to have children. This was a huge, huge blow to me. When I was 7 years old I used to change my cousins diapers and feed him his bottles. I've been hooked ever since.
Since I started keeping the 16 month old that I currently babysit three days a week, I have realized something. I can love a child that isn't mine just as strongly as I could love my own. I hope to one day have the opportunity to adopt. That's the subject of many prayers for me. To be a Mother one day, maybe even to a special needs child.
When I first started keeping Austin it was supposed to be for three or four months. It has been a year now. I know it's time to move on so to speak. I need to earn more money and I'm really feeling pushed to do something else. I think I know what the something else is, but I'm not ready to share it just yet. Anyway, as I mentioned in my last post, I am not a fan of change.
I'm going to have a very hard time letting go of Austin when that time comes. I need prayers for that.
God,
You know what areas in my life I am struggling with. Please guide me in my decisions about my future. Help me make the right choices. Thank you for all you have blessed me with in my life. Also, thank you for the renewed relationship I have had with my sister since my nephew was born. Help it to continue to grow and blossom so that one day I will be able to bring up the subject of you.
In your son's most holy name,
Amen
You know what areas in my life I am struggling with. Please guide me in my decisions about my future. Help me make the right choices. Thank you for all you have blessed me with in my life. Also, thank you for the renewed relationship I have had with my sister since my nephew was born. Help it to continue to grow and blossom so that one day I will be able to bring up the subject of you.
In your son's most holy name,
Amen
Monday, February 07, 2005
Changes All Around Me
I have never liked change. I get into a certain routine and as boring as it sounds, I'm content. I'm not sure if being content is a good thing though.? It's a good feeling, but shouldn't I always be trying to improve myself?
I know I should be trying to improve my relationship with God. To do that, things have to change. When I feel stale and stuck in a rut at one place in my life, then it's time to make a change. Seeing as how I don't like change, I let myself be stale and in a rut for two years. I had gone to this same church for 18 years (since I was 10). I was baptized at this church. My family attends this church. In a way I felt attached to this church. But it was like my relationship with God was hitting a brick wall. It had no where left to go. I'm not saying that I am such a great Christian I had learned everything there was to learn. Please don't take it that way. I made a lot of mistakes the last eight years. The last three I have tried really hard to change myself. Somewhere along the lines of doing this, I discovered that my church didn't "fit" me anymore. It didn't fit into the desire I had to worship God in a different way.
The Christian Student Center at Middle Tennessee State University really opened my eyes to true worship. It's not just about going to church and going through the motions every Sunday. It's about the feeling I get when I truly worship God. I feel my heart swell and I am totally focused. I feel God's presence and a love for God like I have never felt. I feel the energy from everyone else who is present. To go to devotionals at the center on Monday nights and feel this way, and then go to my Church on Wednesdays and Sundays and not feel much of anything was always a big letdown. I found a church a month or so ago that is a lot like the student center. They are not your typical Church or Christ. They are alive and happy.
So, yes, I am admitting that change is not always a bad thing. There have been some other changes in my life lately that I will post about another time. I'm still taking baby steps toward accepting that my life needs to be shaken up a little.
I know I should be trying to improve my relationship with God. To do that, things have to change. When I feel stale and stuck in a rut at one place in my life, then it's time to make a change. Seeing as how I don't like change, I let myself be stale and in a rut for two years. I had gone to this same church for 18 years (since I was 10). I was baptized at this church. My family attends this church. In a way I felt attached to this church. But it was like my relationship with God was hitting a brick wall. It had no where left to go. I'm not saying that I am such a great Christian I had learned everything there was to learn. Please don't take it that way. I made a lot of mistakes the last eight years. The last three I have tried really hard to change myself. Somewhere along the lines of doing this, I discovered that my church didn't "fit" me anymore. It didn't fit into the desire I had to worship God in a different way.
The Christian Student Center at Middle Tennessee State University really opened my eyes to true worship. It's not just about going to church and going through the motions every Sunday. It's about the feeling I get when I truly worship God. I feel my heart swell and I am totally focused. I feel God's presence and a love for God like I have never felt. I feel the energy from everyone else who is present. To go to devotionals at the center on Monday nights and feel this way, and then go to my Church on Wednesdays and Sundays and not feel much of anything was always a big letdown. I found a church a month or so ago that is a lot like the student center. They are not your typical Church or Christ. They are alive and happy.
So, yes, I am admitting that change is not always a bad thing. There have been some other changes in my life lately that I will post about another time. I'm still taking baby steps toward accepting that my life needs to be shaken up a little.
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