Aunt Sarah

I went and kept my Nephew today for my sister to go run some errands. Then I brought him to my house since my sis had to go to work. Since my brother-in-law is not feeling well and my sister has some stuff to do in the morning, Quincy is spending the night. I gave him a bath, bottle and rocked him. I love holding a sleeping baby. Their faces look so content and angelic. I just layed my little munchkin down in the crib. Hopefully this will be one of his good nights and he will sleep til 2 or 3 in the morning, take a bottle and go back to sleep.
Watching Quincy tonight it hit me how truly in love with him I am. He is so perfect. He is a huge blessing. My family really needed him.
5 1/2 years ago my sister's other baby was still born. We knew from early on that he was sick and wouldn't live outside the womb. I'll never forget holding him that August morning minutes after he had been born. He died during the delivery, it was too much for him. They named him Christian Burton. He was so beautiful. His funeral was the next week. I still go out to his grave every so often. I know it's silly, but I talk to him when I'm there. I told him he was going to have a baby brother (well, half brother. My sister divorced and remarried.) I told him how the new baby would never replace him. Quincy hasn't replaced him. He's just made things a little more bearable.
A few days after Quincy was born I was holding him and he was asleep. I looked down at him and for just an instant it was as if I was holding Christian again. I wept. I cried because I was so grateful for Quincy. I cried because I never got to do the things with Christian I had with Quincy (feed him, bathe him etc...). That day was a day of healing for me. A lot of hurt and anger I had been carrying with me since my nephew died was washed out of me by those tears.
I still miss Christian and wonder what he would look like now. I know that he is with God. He's not sick anymore and he's a perfect baby now.

Father,
I thank you so much for bringing Quincy into my family. He has allowed myself, and I'm sure others to heal a little from loosing Christian. I know that Christian is with you and he must be a proud big brother.
God, I want to ask that you be with me as my life is taking a turn towards something I never expected. You know the obsticals I have to get past to make it work. I know if it's really your will, everything will work out.
Amen